Chapter One
I was never a huge Simmer, but maybe inZOI will stick. I do prefer the softer aesthetic and the almost alien wide-eyed cuteness to everything. Anyway, I bought the game and I might as well write about it.
I design a character with utmost care, getting overwhelmed by all of the sliders. Cheek fat up, cheek fat down. Nose flat, nose pointed. I wish I was one of those “I can make Taylor Swift in The Sims” girlies, but I’m just not. I make a mental note to try and make Arcane’s Jynx when I get better at the controls.
Exhausted from my long hour(s) of character creation, I plunk her in a furnished apartment in Dowon City. I start the day. It is 8:00AM in the game and 2:00AM in my stupid real life.
I turn off the game and go to bed.
I boot the game back up later and decide to give home building an honest try. It’s usually my favorite part of life sims. I rush through the character creation screens and make a boy and a girl. Roomies-to-lovers arc incoming. They have uncanny faces because everything in the game is so soft and round, like viewing it through 7 increasingly aggressive photo filters.
I try to build a squat little two-bedroom with an open concept kitchen and modern minimalist aesthetic. I pick modern minimalist aesthetic because I’m already bored of the creation/design tools and just want to play the game already. I save and quit back to the main menu.
I place a pre-made character in a pre-made apartment and force myself to stick with her. Her name is Koni Joyce and she lives in Bliss Bay. She has long, dirty blonde pigtails and always wears her white headphones, even when she is home alone. She is dressed all in white because I guess the game devs like the modern minimalist aesthetic, too.
For the first few days of her life, she barely needs me. I don’t know how to play the game so I just turn on “Autonomy” and watch to see what she does. I sip my tea as she plays on the computer and watches TV for hours. Mood. She breaks the computer and I buy a new one. She breaks the TV and I make her fix it.
I go to do the dishes in my real life and let her do her thing. I’m not really sure what she gets up to when I’m gone, but she is in bed by the time I am back. Once she wakes up, I click things around the house to see what they are and what they do. A lot of them do nothing. I place a coffee maker next to the water purifier. She seems to like that. One of her interests is Coffee.
Koni wants to read the news on her tablet. Ugh, couldn’t be me. I have to buy her a tablet, though, because I guess she thinks they grow on Large Variegated Monsteras. Her phone/laptop/TV just isn’t good enough for the news—not for our little Zoi. The tablet costs 800 Meow and it’s at this point that I realize the currency is called “Meow.”
Meow is different from Meow Coins, which is another currency you get from doing a Zoi’s favorite things or whatever. You can spend Meow Coins on little meta items in the menu, like making her not need to sleep. You have to go to the Meow Store for that, which is in the Zoi Card menu.
But straight Meow…that’s the real moola. I have 15,000 Meow when I start my game file so I invest 3000 Meow for fun. I don’t bother looking for a job. I still have 12K Meow, after all!!
After clicking nearly everything in the apartment, I decide I need some in-game goals. inZOI doesn’t seem that interested in giving me direction, so I’ll have to make some myself. I decide to have Koni make a friend. Her contact book only includes a weird man I accidentally talked to on a bench, so I don’t call him. I’ll find a new friend.
Koni has the Urge to play arcade games, so I send her on the bus to the fair by the docks. It reminds me of that place they go in It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia that one time. Jersey Shore. Seems like an excellent place to make friends or make out with The Waitress on a beach. There is a ferris wheel here, public bathrooms, food stalls, darts, and a claw machine. Apparently the claw machine counts as an “arcade game” because playing it satisfies her Urge.
But you can’t make friends with a claw machine, so I move on.
We find someone to talk to on another bench. Benches seem to be the meeting spot in Zoiland. Our new friend is named Jessica Powell. I ask her about her job and interests. We discuss the future of cryptocurrency.
Great, J. Powell is in my addy book now! I can go home and maybe invite her over for purified water or coffee or something tomorrow.
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